WHAT IF...I will never see her again?

Do you know that 'being trapped in thoughts' expereince? (translate into your prefered language)
Several life events happened the past days that lead to my thinking became big.
With 'became big' I mean, really big. Those kind of thoughts that actually become you. The reactivity that I experience is intense. My well known dreams were seeking my attention also during night.

As an example. My partner and my daughter went on a trip together. She is now 26 months old. We were never seperated from another for that long. Even writing this fact gives rise to a wave moving upwords from my belly to my chest and I notice tention and tightness. I pause and breath.
Get me right, I am happy that they are on their own together as she is cared for and she is loved in a way that I am wishing for every human being in the world. And yet, something deep in me response.
My thoughts go:

WHAT IF...

...she thinks, that I left her
...I don't miss her every single minute, than I am a really aweful mother
...she misses me so much one moment, that it is traumatizing her
...she will never trust me again
...she FORGETS me
...she will love her father more than me
...the plane crashes
...I will never see her again

Reflecting on those thoughts that I noticed and tryed to embrace the past days, I feel the energy they carry in my whole system. My heart feels heavy and yet there is calmness and space.

Those kind of thoughts make it tricky for me to 'simply process them'. There messages are stored deeply in my body and sometimes it can be a challange to enter into those layers of mine.

SO WHAT?

My favorite strategy is to 'shake myself up'!
How I do that?

1. I go jogging (don't wanna say 'I run' ;) ). Simply walking in nature is of course also fine and yet, it is not so effective, as I truly wanna shake myself up.

2. I do the OSHO shaking/active meditation (if you want to give it a try, you find several examples on youtube)

It is important that I do that over a specific time. In my experience it takes about an hour until I arrive back fully into myself.

As I run, usually my thoughts go crazy at the beginning.
The experience that most of my alivness is just my mind is getting even more.

Than there is a phase of of where I feel my body, as if I enter my body followed - and this is SO important for me - by heavy emotions. Especially emotions that are not easy for me to experience fully, like ANGER and RAGE.

Sadness...

Relaxation...

In all of that it can happen that something in me arises, like a clarity of what I didn't see before, some request, something my inner being shares with me.

And even if there is no message in form of words at first place, I at least expereince an opening of my heart, calmness, space.

I value those strategies a lot because they support me to start entering to feel, to fully experience those kind of stories as my conditioning to PSUH them away, to get RID of them, to SURPRESS them, is so well integrated.

There is a beautiful reading that I first heared from Robert Gonzales a few years ago during one of his LIFE Retreats:
READING


How do you handle intense story that seem to overtake you?
Do you have any heartreactions you would enjoy sharing after reading my e mail?

You can share yourself in my #nvcwithandie FACEBOOK GROUP
Feel free, invited & welcomed to JOIN!

With care!
Andie




UPCOMING #nvcwithandie EVENTS:

LIVING COMPASSION #nvcwithandie Practice Circle TUESDAYS
LIVING COMPASSION #nvcwithandie| Women Circle, LEBE DEN SPIRIT GFK • de/online
LIVING COMPASSION #nvcwithandie| LIVING THE SPIRIT OF NVC • en/online